methodicalneuropathy

Hello kids, and welcome back to the show. As you may have noticed, I don’t make it a habit to talk about myself much on this piece, as it’s not really my style, and furthermore, not really its main focus or purpose. I do, however, have a story to tell you which involves my personal life. So go grab you some popcorn and your snuggliest feeling robe and curl up next to the fireplace (or space heater) for today’s adventure. (No really… I insist on the popcorn, I’ll wait, it’s gonna be worth it.)

‘Round about October of ‘08, me and my beloved were spending quality time watching TV and talking about funny shit, when one of my friends (who we will refer to as “Grady“) comes up in a conversation, or more importantly, his past relationships. He tends to go out with some cartoonish cunts, but, to each his own. Cartoonish cunts = a bitch who kind of resembles Sylvester Stallone, is an extreme drama king (I would say queen, but the bitch looks like a dude) and allegedly likes to piss on motherfuckers and has a flaming case of herpes; and a bitch who is a white trash bar whore with a northern accent and a forehead area that doesn’t look to be formed quite right.

Anyway, my beloved thought it would be a funny-ass idea to prank call the northern cunt (since it was Grady’s most recent relationship), but to our dismay, there were no resources to find said cunt’s phone numeros. Then the second choice (which really should have been the first) was suggested by my beloved. So she blocked her numeros and called said bitch. When she called her, she said something funny about her hair and maybe said something about having a case of herpes (which was a rumor Grady had told me after she broke up with him, that I had really half believed because Grady tends to be full of shit), then hangs up the phone. That was that, typical prank phone call, end of story. That was a Saturday.

On Monday, I get a call from my beloved, and she tells me that she received a call from State Trooper Whatever-the-Fuck and that the fucking twat called the po-po and had the number traced. The cop told her that said twat had been prank called for a long time by someone else, which was fucking stellar! We obviously had no idea she had been prank called before, and it was just a random thing. I had probably conversed less than four to five sentences to the bitch since I was introduced to her by Grady four years earlier, so obviously the only thing I knew of her is that she was a drama queen and she looked like Stallone with a possible case of herpes.

So you’re probably saying to yourself “well, I know what happened next, the cop probably just tried to scare you a bit and warn you not to call her again, end of story“, not what happened at all kiddies. The cop asked her how she knew of the bitch, and she said she had heard of her from me, and I am a friend of Grady’s. The cop then told her he would call said twat to give her the details of who called and said he was sure it was going to end there. Well, it didn’t. After discovering that I was affiliated with my beloved, said twat insisted on “pressing charges” for “harassing phone calls” (again, I didn’t know the bitch, and didn’t even have a problem with said bitch, but obviously an attempted stab at Grady by proxy by a vindictive cunt) and we had to go meet the cop and sign some paperwork, then drive ourselves to the courthouse (no cuffs, no cop car, we drove ourselves) to sign some more paperwork and wait for our “court date” in the mail.

A few months later (January), we were set to appear at the courthouse before a judge and more than likely “the victim” and her toothless husband (who, by the way, allegedly said he was going to bust my ass for calling his testosterone-laden honey and the pussy-ass didn’t even look at me the whole time we were there at the courthouse). We had to sit in the courthouse lobby (I guess that’s what you would call it, fuck, I’m new to being a felon) for a few hours to the point where it was only me and my beloved on one side of the lobby and both the dudes on the other (Herpes Gash and Toothless McGhee), then we were called in! They were apparently not intending on taking the twat and Toofers into the room with us because it ended up that it wasn’t even going to be a “trial”. Ends up, everyone there (the judge, prosecutor, the lawyer and us) knew it was a joke except for both of these cheesy cocksuckers. When said cunt realized they weren’t intending on taking her pus-filled box back with them, she jumped up and demanded to get in. When we were in the back room, the judge basically said: “Here, sign this shit and don’t have any contact with these motherfuckers for a year, and pay your court costs, then your shit will be dropped and you won’t have any record of any kind. Furthermore, I think I can smell that whore’s scalded gash from here” (okay, maybe I’m paraphrasing just a little…).

The judge then asked the bitch something along the lines of “is there anything you would like to add?“, and in response said twat goes off on a fucking tirade and says I (not my beloved, who is the one who called) had been harassing her for over five years (she had only known grady for barely four years) and that I just won’t stop and she’s at the end of her rope. In reality, I have never called the bitch, sent an e-mail, wrote a letter or even a fucking carrier pigeon. She also said “and they made fun of my medical condition I have had since I was younger” (which proves the bitch has herpes. Remember, up to this point, it was only a funny rumor). She obviously knew she was lying her nasty ass off, and was intentionally trying to get me and my beloved into some serious shit. Well, it didn’t work. So we signed some shit, didn’t contact the bitch and we had six months to pay our court costs (which was only around $160 each and was due around July of ‘09), and my beloved took care of her court costs right away. I, on the other hand, intended on taking care of my court costs later as it was not high on my list of priorities. When we left the room, the lawyer wanted us to go in the back room with her for a minute and she asked what the “medical condition” was. We told her it was herpes, and she fucking lost her whole shit laughing. So yeah, after meeting with the judge, prosecutor, and lawyer in the biggest herpes trial of the century, we spent the next several minutes in the back room ripping on the bitch with the lawyer. Good times.

Well, time flies and it is now March ‘10 and paying my court costs had completely slipped my mind (you know, motherfuckers remember their electric bill and cable bill, but you tend to forget your herpes-infested twat bill) and I received a letter from the courthouse just the other day letting me know if I didn’t pay that shit right away they were going to suspend my license. And although I don’t see how the fuck a license ties into non-payment of herpes-infested twat bill, I just went on my merry-ass way earlier and took care of said bill.

Now, the case is completely dropped, no record, no slap-on-the-wrist, no nothing. Just a receipt for my payment of my herpes-infested twat bill and fond memories of a Stallone-looking bitch with a case of scalding herpes and her punk-ass husband trying to get niggas in trouble for something they didn’t even do. So kids, the next time you intend on prank calling someone, just make sure it’s not some insane herpes-ridden gash who will stop at nothing to attempt to exert its fully engorged 5 inch clit into your greasy ass and then take a hot, steamy piss on your chest.

One last thing, the items from my herpes-infested twat bill receipt:

Court Costs: $10.00
Regional Jail- Criminal: $40.00
Crime Victim’s Compensation: $10.00
Law Enforcement Training Fund: $2.00
Court Security Fund: $5.00
Jail Per Diem Fee: $47.53
Community Correction Assess.: $10.00
Courthouse Fac. Imp. Fund: $5.00
Regional Jail Operations Fund: $30.00
Calling a scalded vindictive cunt: Priceless

The best 160 bucks I ever spent. Until next time kiddies!

I wanted to just take a little time out of my busy schedule to give a shout-out to the real heroes in this country. All the 18 and 19 year old kids who bravely stood up and signed on the dotted line in hopes of either avoiding eating Ramen noodles for the rest of their existence, or maybe the folks who wanted at least someone to look up to them after living in their mommy’s basement until their mid 20’s, and playing X Box all day.

These folks are our true heroes! The same people who selflessly turn themselves over to their government so that they can be used accordingly to uphold our liberty and freedom, and liberate the people under the rule of an oppressive regime.

You know, I believe whole-heartedly in saying what you really feel. And without beating around the bush, my opinion has always been that you are not automatically a fucking hero if you sign on the dotted line to become a “GI” (which stands for “Government Issue”). You are not a fucking hero simply because you’re in the military. You don’t earn that fucking card that way. Don’t get me wrong, if you just happen to be in the military and you rescue a baby from a house fire, or if you save your friend from the middle of a gun fight, then you’re a hero.

I’m tired of this fucking hero worship in this country, and rightfully so. These cocksuckers on corporate news are always telling you what you should be feeling, and who you should admire. Well for one, support our troops (unless they’re a couple of faggots, then we’ll just do the whole don’t-ask-don’t-tell thing), and don’t forget 9/11. Don’t ever forget 9/11, they wouldn’t let you anyway.

The whole “support our troops” and this kind of hero worship is a way to get you to well up with pride in the same way when they talk about patriotism, freedom, justice and the “American Way”. Guess what folks, there is no fucking freedom, and Oscar Wilde said “patriotism is the virtue of the vicious”. And vicious it is. When was the last time our military has actually had to “defend” anything? The civil war? Before that? The revolutionary war? The issue here is that war is a very profitable industry, and when war makes that kind of money, you’re going to see a lot more of it. The fucking “troops” are one of the many cocks they cram down your throat to try to legitimize why we as a nation should support our military killing tens of thousands of people on a regular basis. And don’t forget all the oil and natural resources our country’s government and corporations have raped from Iraq. Also don’t forget, our government has actually made money from the Opium and heroin trade for a very long time. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Afghanistan now supplies well over 90% of the entire world’s heroin since the US invasion.

Aside from all that shit, you’re not a hero if you are simply in the military. I personally wouldn’t have any more respect for you if you were in the military. Frankly, it isn’t a respectable choice (we haven’t had a draft for a very long time). You’re basically choosing to kill people for blood money. You’re not liberating shit. Fuck, we’re not even free over here, what makes you think you’re going to do any good. But it’s not about that is it? It’s about making Call of Duty: Modern Warfare a reality for many of these cocksuckers. Don’t forget Abu Ghraib and the torture of all those “brown” people. Remember kids, it’s okay if it’s some “sand niggers” and not some nice Christian white suburban people:

So make sure to support the troops. And if you’re not in the military already, make sure to make the appointment to go meet the recruiter. That’s what your Jesus would have wanted.

Until next time…

Sometimes I like to throw a little nerd shit in with my constant bitching about stupid bullshit. And since I tend to be a nerdy fuck when it comes to computers and the like, I thought I would comment on some recent technology-related happenings.

First off, for you folks who have PS3s and was pissed because the Xbox 360 was getting all the Netflix streaming action, worry no more (by the way, I have an Xbox 360, so this affects me not)! I know I’m a little late on the draw because I actually read this on CNET like last week, but yes, PS3 owners will soon have access to the entire Netflix streaming catalog. It will be rough at first though. Whereas the Xbox has the Netflix streaming feature built into its firmware, PS3 will require you to insert a disc every time in order to stream movies and TV shows. It also uses the same Blu-ray function that the movies use to pull extras from the Internet. So for now, it might be a little choppy. The bright side is, you will only have to deal with that until around Fall/Winter of next year as they plan on updating the PS3’s firmware to accommodate (hey, there’s some talk that they might even make Netflix work for the Wii!).

The second thing I wanted to mention is Geocities. On October 26th (and again, I know I’m a little late on the draw here) Yahoo closed Geocities, the popular free website host, after 15 years in operation. I never had a Geocities account, but I still see the importance as it was a little part of Internet history before the dot com boom and “Web 2.0″. It was around basically before industry was big on the Internet.

And speaking of web hosting, I just moved my sites over to a new host and the service has been kick-ass! I got all my nerd shit running at full song over at that piece. The host’s name is imaginHost (www.imaginhost.com), and there is a promotion going on right now where you get your first month for like 10 cents or less with the coupon code on the imaginHost site. Make sure to check that shit out. Until next time kids!

Hello kids, today we’re talking about everyone’s favorite subject, religion. But more specifically agnosticism and atheism. Before we do get to that though, let me clear up some points first for you folks who might be visiting the page for the first time, and who happen to be Christian, or Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, etc. for that matter. I live in the Bible Belt, and in a country that accounts for almost half of its population as Christian (not to mention a planet that accounts over 1 billion people as Muslim), so I tend to generalize for the sake of saving time from naming everyone. The thing I needed to clear up first, if you haven’t figured it out already, all religions are a joke. There’s no debate about it. Your make believe friend is no more important than your neighbors’ make believe friends, or the folks 1,000’s of miles away from you. They’re all bullshit. Also, before I start taking jabs at some empty-headed fucks, let me go ahead and say that I consider myself, again for the benefit of simplicity, an Atheist. With that said, let’s get to the current piss-burn.

The atheist culture. And yes, there is very much a culture/fandom that has come out of this “atheist movement”. If you’ve noticed, many of the people who readily and without hesitation label themselves as atheists, are young people. I believe that the whole atheism claim from young people is not so much the result of actual critical thinking, as it is angst and rebellion. The same motherfuckers who, if they don’t start going to church when they settle down with Honey and pop out some bastards, will more than likely be praying to Jesus on their death bed when they’re 70. I think it’s also due to the absolute freedom to do so nowadays, and that it’s almost like joining a club. Really ballsy though, although I would like to see these same cocksuckers claim to be atheists a few hundred years ago. These people also claim to believe that everything, and I mean everything has come about by chance and by a series of accidental chemical reactions which have made life possible. These are also the same people who “have” coffee and are “well-read”. These people tend to be smug cocksuckers, and would give their life savings to give Richard Dawkins’ dick a good once-over. Something I do agree with Atheists/Agnostics on (and yes, I do consider them one in the same) is evolution. Evolution exists, it happened, it’s going on now, and will always go on. The only people who debate this are religious cocksuckers.

Religion only exists because it incites fear in people. You take someone who is impressionable and drive this bullshit down their throat, they’ll believe it for life. It’s kind of like McDonald’s. If you didn’t have Ronald giving your ass Happy Meals when you were a kid, you more than likely would never eat there. There is no way you could actually take an educated adult of average intelligence and tell him/her that there is some invisible cocksucker who lives in the clouds, and has a record of not only everything you’ve ever done, but everything you’ve thought about doing and has a punishment for you if you don’t give yourself to “Him”. That person would tell them to fuck off and get a life, and that would be it. Remember kids, religion wasn’t initially spread from adult to adult by door-to-door Mormons, it was spread by killing as many motherfuckers as you could and scaring the rest into believing your shit (and don’t forget the 10% tithe if you value your soul).

In closing, it’s all bullshit. The truth is, none of us know shit. You don’t know shit, and your crusty-ass grandma didn’t know shit either. We’re all primates, that’s a fact. We’re in the same family as chimps. So in other words, we’re not that goddamn special. The audacity for humans to create God in their image. There’s no heaven, there’s no hell, there’s no limbo, or any “judgment day” whatsoever. All these things are to scare the shit out of you. So what’s the point? Why are we here? We don’t know that for sure, but don’t look in places like religion to find the answer. Just try to do the right thing as much as you can, and help each other. Don’t worry about fucking money so much, and going without so you can buy that big screen television. Or building your credit rating so you can buy that hot ride so that skank with the clap will fuck you. We don’t know the point of everything, and personally, I don’t think we have the intellectual capacity to understand. But if you quiet your mind enough, you might be able to actually feel something other than anxiety or alcohol. Love is a great feeling, you should really consider trying it sometime. Until next time kids…

I just wanted to take the time out of my busy schedule of bitching about our fucked culture and the human condition in general, to recognize someone who is my fuckin’ hero, my ‘Mandununun. She is fucking awesome and is made for me, we are exactly the same where we need to be, and completely different where we need to be as we fill each other’s weaknesses.

Aside from the many reasons she is my hero, she fuckin’ stood up to the fuckin’ “powers that be” when some filthy fuckin’ butch dike whore bus driver dropped her five year old baby off at the wrong stop. He found his way home, only to beat on the fuckin’ door, to not get an answer. The same said whore had been dropping him off at his daycare since the beginning of the school year, as she should have done. She just decided on that day it was a cool idea to drop him off at the wrong fucking stop, which was on the main road and a dangerous spot for small children to be.

She is persevering over the bullshit, and kicking ass. If my parents, or lack thereof, would have given a quarter of a shit than she does about her children, I wouldn’t have had such a goddamn interesting childhood. That is all. Until next time motherfuckers

They were all out of flags for the occasion. So I used these dudes instead. At least this is something to be proud of…

“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

- Benjamin Franklin

A true “public” option for health care, which would be real reform would be a single-payer system (much like what England, Canada, France, etc, etc, etc have), which could not be further away from this debate. This bullshit they are debating now, or pseudo-debating now for that matter, is not real reform. There are a few perks for you and me (like it supposedly outlaws “preexisting conditions” clauses and brings the overall cost to the individual down), but at the end of the day it will basically make it mandatory for you to have your own health care plan (you will be penalized otherwise through taxation). The health care companies will basically be getting over 300 million forced customers, whether the customers like it or not. You will still have premiums, deductibles, etc just like health insurance now, you just have to keep a health care plan by law.

Real reform would be a single-payer system, that is real universal healthcare. And by the way, the United States is the only industrialized country without some form of universal healthcare. With a single-payer system, you would basically pay nothing to: see a doctor, have surgeries, require emergency care, etc. You would basically only have to pay a few dollars for your prescription, no matter what kind of prescription it is (none of this $500 prescription bill for a one-month supply of meds). Universal health care will not happen with this pushed reform, and it never will until the public is educated on the difference. There was a bill called HR 676 which is a single-payer, universal health care plan. It would be completely paid for by your taxes, and you would never have to worry about rationed care or paying any kind of bill. Of course that bill isn’t whored by the media or the government because that option isn’t going to line the pockets of big business and Wall Street. Remember kids, it’s not about Nanna’s well-being, and whether she and Grandad can afford their prescriptions this month, or have to decide between food and meds (not to mention your well-being, and if you have kids, well they’re fucked too). It’s about what’s best for the fucking criminals who really run this great, free nation of theirs.

Oh, and speaking of your Nanna, health care is getting more expensive all the time, and she just might not be able to afford that blood pressure medication she’s on. I guess it’s time for the old gal to work that ass in some stag films to earn some dough. See for yourself…

Go back to sleep kids, they have everything under control. Until next time…