So have you ever taken a shit so big your asshole bled a little? Regardless, that is not really our topic of discussion today. Something, or more specifically some people, has been really pissing me off for quite awhile. It’s these fucking pretentious “intellectual” assholes who “have” coffee instead of drink it and who read books that are “good reads” while drinking wine.

These are the same faggoty cocksuckers who hang out with their other faggoty-ass cocksucker friends in book stores that have coffee shops in them. In business, a rule of thumb is to know your niche (or “know your demo”), and these fucking bookstore owners really know their niche by placing coffee shops inside the bookstore. They can capitalize further though. If these bookstore owners would start selling wine, turtleneck sweaters and Apple products in their stores, their faggoty-ass, ball-less patrons wouldn’t have a reason to leave.

These are the same pretentious douche bag motherfuckers who may on occasion read dictionaries, instead of just look shit up in them, so that they can use a lengthy word in a sentence while engaging in “good conversation” with their other douche bag friends.  These motherfuckers also tend to listen to easy-listening-esque neo-hippy bullshit and perhaps smoke cloves instead of cigarettes, they also tend to love their fucking lame-ass reefer. Starbucks is another company who proved they know their niche by opening an “entertainment” division, which is basically a record label that signs and distributes said bullshit music. These people may also fancy a visit at their local “cultural” center, and of course the “culture” section of their paper of choice. They may also aspire to learn French, whether they need to or not.

If I were a violent person, and was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I wouldn’t hesitate to stroll to a Books-A-Million with a chain gun and take as many of these faggoty cocksuckers out as possible. Then I could “have coffee” in peace and maybe read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.

But to save me the trouble, if the following applies to you:

- If you have ever “had” coffee

- If you smoke cloves

- If you read books that are “good reads” while drinking wine at the same time

- If you have ever donned a turtleneck sweater and hung out with your douche bag friends in a coffee shop/bookstore

Or taken part in any of the other shit listed above, curl up in a ball with your fucking coffee and put a 12 gauge barrel in your mouth, then blow your empty, group-oriented thoughts all over the fucking wall. Shit, this place is already overcrowded with humans, and these motherfuckers need to be some of the first to go. The only negative part would be for certain businesses. Books-A-Million, Starbucks and Apple would go out of business within a week.

So yeah, if the above applies to you, why are you still reading this? End it. That is all.

Hello kids, and welcome back to the show. As you may have noticed, I don’t make it a habit to talk about myself much on this piece, as it’s not really my style, and furthermore, not really its main focus or purpose. I do, however, have a story to tell you which involves my personal life. So go grab you some popcorn and your snuggliest feeling robe and curl up next to the fireplace (or space heater) for today’s adventure. (No really… I insist on the popcorn, I’ll wait, it’s gonna be worth it.)

‘Round about October of ‘08, me and my beloved were spending quality time watching TV and talking about funny shit, when one of my friends (who we will refer to as “Grady“) comes up in a conversation, or more importantly, his past relationships. He tends to go out with some cartoonish cunts, but, to each his own. Cartoonish cunts = a bitch who kind of resembles Sylvester Stallone, is an extreme drama king (I would say queen, but the bitch looks like a dude) and allegedly likes to piss on motherfuckers and has a flaming case of herpes; and a bitch who is a white trash bar whore with a northern accent and a forehead area that doesn’t look to be formed quite right.

Anyway, my beloved thought it would be a funny-ass idea to prank call the northern cunt (since it was Grady’s most recent relationship), but to our dismay, there were no resources to find said cunt’s phone numeros. Then the second choice (which really should have been the first) was suggested by my beloved. So she blocked her numeros and called said bitch. When she called her, she said something funny about her hair and maybe said something about having a case of herpes (which was a rumor Grady had told me after she broke up with him, that I had really half believed because Grady tends to be full of shit), then hangs up the phone. That was that, typical prank phone call, end of story. That was a Saturday.

On Monday, I get a call from my beloved, and she tells me that she received a call from State Trooper Whatever-the-Fuck and that the fucking twat called the po-po and had the number traced. The cop told her that said twat had been prank called for a long time by someone else, which was fucking stellar! We obviously had no idea she had been prank called before, and it was just a random thing. I had probably conversed less than four to five sentences to the bitch since I was introduced to her by Grady four years earlier, so obviously the only thing I knew of her is that she was a drama queen and she looked like Stallone with a possible case of herpes.

So you’re probably saying to yourself “well, I know what happened next, the cop probably just tried to scare you a bit and warn you not to call her again, end of story“, not what happened at all kiddies. The cop asked her how she knew of the bitch, and she said she had heard of her from me, and I am a friend of Grady’s. The cop then told her he would call said twat to give her the details of who called and said he was sure it was going to end there. Well, it didn’t. After discovering that I was affiliated with my beloved, said twat insisted on “pressing charges” for “harassing phone calls” (again, I didn’t know the bitch, and didn’t even have a problem with said bitch, but obviously an attempted stab at Grady by proxy by a vindictive cunt) and we had to go meet the cop and sign some paperwork, then drive ourselves to the courthouse (no cuffs, no cop car, we drove ourselves) to sign some more paperwork and wait for our “court date” in the mail.

A few months later (January), we were set to appear at the courthouse before a judge and more than likely “the victim” and her toothless husband (who, by the way, allegedly said he was going to bust my ass for calling his testosterone-laden honey and the pussy-ass didn’t even look at me the whole time we were there at the courthouse). We had to sit in the courthouse lobby (I guess that’s what you would call it, fuck, I’m new to being a felon) for a few hours to the point where it was only me and my beloved on one side of the lobby and both the dudes on the other (Herpes Gash and Toothless McGhee), then we were called in! They were apparently not intending on taking the twat and Toofers into the room with us because it ended up that it wasn’t even going to be a “trial”. Ends up, everyone there (the judge, prosecutor, the lawyer and us) knew it was a joke except for both of these cheesy cocksuckers. When said cunt realized they weren’t intending on taking her pus-filled box back with them, she jumped up and demanded to get in. When we were in the back room, the judge basically said: “Here, sign this shit and don’t have any contact with these motherfuckers for a year, and pay your court costs, then your shit will be dropped and you won’t have any record of any kind. Furthermore, I think I can smell that whore’s scalded gash from here” (okay, maybe I’m paraphrasing just a little…).

The judge then asked the bitch something along the lines of “is there anything you would like to add?“, and in response said twat goes off on a fucking tirade and says I (not my beloved, who is the one who called) had been harassing her for over five years (she had only known grady for barely four years) and that I just won’t stop and she’s at the end of her rope. In reality, I have never called the bitch, sent an e-mail, wrote a letter or even a fucking carrier pigeon. She also said “and they made fun of my medical condition I have had since I was younger” (which proves the bitch has herpes. Remember, up to this point, it was only a funny rumor). She obviously knew she was lying her nasty ass off, and was intentionally trying to get me and my beloved into some serious shit. Well, it didn’t work. So we signed some shit, didn’t contact the bitch and we had six months to pay our court costs (which was only around $160 each and was due around July of ‘09), and my beloved took care of her court costs right away. I, on the other hand, intended on taking care of my court costs later as it was not high on my list of priorities. When we left the room, the lawyer wanted us to go in the back room with her for a minute and she asked what the “medical condition” was. We told her it was herpes, and she fucking lost her whole shit laughing. So yeah, after meeting with the judge, prosecutor, and lawyer in the biggest herpes trial of the century, we spent the next several minutes in the back room ripping on the bitch with the lawyer. Good times.

Well, time flies and it is now March ‘10 and paying my court costs had completely slipped my mind (you know, motherfuckers remember their electric bill and cable bill, but you tend to forget your herpes-infested twat bill) and I received a letter from the courthouse just the other day letting me know if I didn’t pay that shit right away they were going to suspend my license. And although I don’t see how the fuck a license ties into non-payment of herpes-infested twat bill, I just went on my merry-ass way earlier and took care of said bill.

Now, the case is completely dropped, no record, no slap-on-the-wrist, no nothing. Just a receipt for my payment of my herpes-infested twat bill and fond memories of a Stallone-looking bitch with a case of scalding herpes and her punk-ass husband trying to get niggas in trouble for something they didn’t even do. So kids, the next time you intend on prank calling someone, just make sure it’s not some insane herpes-ridden gash who will stop at nothing to attempt to exert its fully engorged 5 inch clit into your greasy ass and then take a hot, steamy piss on your chest.

One last thing, the items from my herpes-infested twat bill receipt:

Court Costs: $10.00
Regional Jail- Criminal: $40.00
Crime Victim’s Compensation: $10.00
Law Enforcement Training Fund: $2.00
Court Security Fund: $5.00
Jail Per Diem Fee: $47.53
Community Correction Assess.: $10.00
Courthouse Fac. Imp. Fund: $5.00
Regional Jail Operations Fund: $30.00
Calling a scalded vindictive cunt: Priceless

The best 160 bucks I ever spent. Until next time kiddies!

I wanted to just take a little time out of my busy schedule to give a shout-out to the real heroes in this country. All the 18 and 19 year old kids who bravely stood up and signed on the dotted line in hopes of either avoiding eating Ramen noodles for the rest of their existence, or maybe the folks who wanted at least someone to look up to them after living in their mommy’s basement until their mid 20’s, and playing X Box all day.

These folks are our true heroes! The same people who selflessly turn themselves over to their government so that they can be used accordingly to uphold our liberty and freedom, and liberate the people under the rule of an oppressive regime.

You know, I believe whole-heartedly in saying what you really feel. And without beating around the bush, my opinion has always been that you are not automatically a fucking hero if you sign on the dotted line to become a “GI” (which stands for “Government Issue”). You are not a fucking hero simply because you’re in the military. You don’t earn that fucking card that way. Don’t get me wrong, if you just happen to be in the military and you rescue a baby from a house fire, or if you save your friend from the middle of a gun fight, then you’re a hero.

I’m tired of this fucking hero worship in this country, and rightfully so. These cocksuckers on corporate news are always telling you what you should be feeling, and who you should admire. Well for one, support our troops (unless they’re a couple of faggots, then we’ll just do the whole don’t-ask-don’t-tell thing), and don’t forget 9/11. Don’t ever forget 9/11, they wouldn’t let you anyway.

The whole “support our troops” and this kind of hero worship is a way to get you to well up with pride in the same way when they talk about patriotism, freedom, justice and the “American Way”. Guess what folks, there is no fucking freedom, and Oscar Wilde said “patriotism is the virtue of the vicious”. And vicious it is. When was the last time our military has actually had to “defend” anything? The civil war? Before that? The revolutionary war? The issue here is that war is a very profitable industry, and when war makes that kind of money, you’re going to see a lot more of it. The fucking “troops” are one of the many cocks they cram down your throat to try to legitimize why we as a nation should support our military killing tens of thousands of people on a regular basis. And don’t forget all the oil and natural resources our country’s government and corporations have raped from Iraq. Also don’t forget, our government has actually made money from the Opium and heroin trade for a very long time. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Afghanistan now supplies well over 90% of the entire world’s heroin since the US invasion.

Aside from all that shit, you’re not a hero if you are simply in the military. I personally wouldn’t have any more respect for you if you were in the military. Frankly, it isn’t a respectable choice (we haven’t had a draft for a very long time). You’re basically choosing to kill people for blood money. You’re not liberating shit. Fuck, we’re not even free over here, what makes you think you’re going to do any good. But it’s not about that is it? It’s about making Call of Duty: Modern Warfare a reality for many of these cocksuckers. Don’t forget Abu Ghraib and the torture of all those “brown” people. Remember kids, it’s okay if it’s some “sand niggers” and not some nice Christian white suburban people:

So make sure to support the troops. And if you’re not in the military already, make sure to make the appointment to go meet the recruiter. That’s what your Jesus would have wanted.

Until next time…

Hello kids, today we’re talking about everyone’s favorite subject, religion. But more specifically agnosticism and atheism. Before we do get to that though, let me clear up some points first for you folks who might be visiting the page for the first time, and who happen to be Christian, or Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, etc. for that matter. I live in the Bible Belt, and in a country that accounts for almost half of its population as Christian (not to mention a planet that accounts over 1 billion people as Muslim), so I tend to generalize for the sake of saving time from naming everyone. The thing I needed to clear up first, if you haven’t figured it out already, all religions are a joke. There’s no debate about it. Your make believe friend is no more important than your neighbors’ make believe friends, or the folks 1,000’s of miles away from you. They’re all bullshit. Also, before I start taking jabs at some empty-headed fucks, let me go ahead and say that I consider myself, again for the benefit of simplicity, an Atheist. With that said, let’s get to the current piss-burn.

The atheist culture. And yes, there is very much a culture/fandom that has come out of this “atheist movement”. If you’ve noticed, many of the people who readily and without hesitation label themselves as atheists, are young people. I believe that the whole atheism claim from young people is not so much the result of actual critical thinking, as it is angst and rebellion. The same motherfuckers who, if they don’t start going to church when they settle down with Honey and pop out some bastards, will more than likely be praying to Jesus on their death bed when they’re 70. I think it’s also due to the absolute freedom to do so nowadays, and that it’s almost like joining a club. Really ballsy though, although I would like to see these same cocksuckers claim to be atheists a few hundred years ago. These people also claim to believe that everything, and I mean everything has come about by chance and by a series of accidental chemical reactions which have made life possible. These are also the same people who “have” coffee and are “well-read”. These people tend to be smug cocksuckers, and would give their life savings to give Richard Dawkins’ dick a good once-over. Something I do agree with Atheists/Agnostics on (and yes, I do consider them one in the same) is evolution. Evolution exists, it happened, it’s going on now, and will always go on. The only people who debate this are religious cocksuckers.

Religion only exists because it incites fear in people. You take someone who is impressionable and drive this bullshit down their throat, they’ll believe it for life. It’s kind of like McDonald’s. If you didn’t have Ronald giving your ass Happy Meals when you were a kid, you more than likely would never eat there. There is no way you could actually take an educated adult of average intelligence and tell him/her that there is some invisible cocksucker who lives in the clouds, and has a record of not only everything you’ve ever done, but everything you’ve thought about doing and has a punishment for you if you don’t give yourself to “Him”. That person would tell them to fuck off and get a life, and that would be it. Remember kids, religion wasn’t initially spread from adult to adult by door-to-door Mormons, it was spread by killing as many motherfuckers as you could and scaring the rest into believing your shit (and don’t forget the 10% tithe if you value your soul).

In closing, it’s all bullshit. The truth is, none of us know shit. You don’t know shit, and your crusty-ass grandma didn’t know shit either. We’re all primates, that’s a fact. We’re in the same family as chimps. So in other words, we’re not that goddamn special. The audacity for humans to create God in their image. There’s no heaven, there’s no hell, there’s no limbo, or any “judgment day” whatsoever. All these things are to scare the shit out of you. So what’s the point? Why are we here? We don’t know that for sure, but don’t look in places like religion to find the answer. Just try to do the right thing as much as you can, and help each other. Don’t worry about fucking money so much, and going without so you can buy that big screen television. Or building your credit rating so you can buy that hot ride so that skank with the clap will fuck you. We don’t know the point of everything, and personally, I don’t think we have the intellectual capacity to understand. But if you quiet your mind enough, you might be able to actually feel something other than anxiety or alcohol. Love is a great feeling, you should really consider trying it sometime. Until next time kids…

They were all out of flags for the occasion. So I used these dudes instead. At least this is something to be proud of…

“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

- Benjamin Franklin

A true “public” option for health care, which would be real reform would be a single-payer system (much like what England, Canada, France, etc, etc, etc have), which could not be further away from this debate. This bullshit they are debating now, or pseudo-debating now for that matter, is not real reform. There are a few perks for you and me (like it supposedly outlaws “preexisting conditions” clauses and brings the overall cost to the individual down), but at the end of the day it will basically make it mandatory for you to have your own health care plan (you will be penalized otherwise through taxation). The health care companies will basically be getting over 300 million forced customers, whether the customers like it or not. You will still have premiums, deductibles, etc just like health insurance now, you just have to keep a health care plan by law.

Real reform would be a single-payer system, that is real universal healthcare. And by the way, the United States is the only industrialized country without some form of universal healthcare. With a single-payer system, you would basically pay nothing to: see a doctor, have surgeries, require emergency care, etc. You would basically only have to pay a few dollars for your prescription, no matter what kind of prescription it is (none of this $500 prescription bill for a one-month supply of meds). Universal health care will not happen with this pushed reform, and it never will until the public is educated on the difference. There was a bill called HR 676 which is a single-payer, universal health care plan. It would be completely paid for by your taxes, and you would never have to worry about rationed care or paying any kind of bill. Of course that bill isn’t whored by the media or the government because that option isn’t going to line the pockets of big business and Wall Street. Remember kids, it’s not about Nanna’s well-being, and whether she and Grandad can afford their prescriptions this month, or have to decide between food and meds (not to mention your well-being, and if you have kids, well they’re fucked too). It’s about what’s best for the fucking criminals who really run this great, free nation of theirs.

Oh, and speaking of your Nanna, health care is getting more expensive all the time, and she just might not be able to afford that blood pressure medication she’s on. I guess it’s time for the old gal to work that ass in some stag films to earn some dough. See for yourself…

Go back to sleep kids, they have everything under control. Until next time…

Man, Facebook blows dickheads… I mean really, there’s no personality. I don’t see why folks clamor over it so much. Instead of having plenty of wide open space to express your thoughts and personality, there’s only like a few categories to fill in your basic information, and a few other details. Everything is all white and happy. Social [engineering] networking on Quaaludes…

What’s with all these idiot-ass twats clamoring for the movie Twilight? I shrugged it off as worthless the moment I saw the first ad/trailer for it, and rightfully so. After all the hype, my girlfriend, who was also sure it was a joke, wanted to see what all the obsession was about. I, unfortunately, sat down to watch said bullshit with her. I don’t think we actually made it through the first half hour of the movie. It was complete garbage, and layers of gay beyond all human understanding. Or what I like to refer to as “The Jonas Brothers of Vampire Movies”. It had elements of a “teen” movie mixed with elements of Dawson’s Creek, and Dawson’s Creek prevailed. It’s just ridiculous how these idiots, mainly ditsy females, clamor over this movie. It has built a huge fandom, with ages ranging from child to middle aged cunts with growths in their earlobes who dress up as vampires at “Twilight parties” (seriously, these people fucking exist). Anyway, in closing, if you were considering watching this movie to see what all the fuss is about, you’re better off using the time to practice with your favorite phallic-like object to remove your gag reflex so that you can prepare yourself for the next huge commercial cock to be crammed down your throat. Later kids

Before I get started taking well-deserved jabs at some fucking consumerist idiots, let me go ahead and let everyone know that I am pretty much a computer nerd. With that said, I know articles regarding computers (unless it’s something about the “new thing” that you can buy so the skank down the block can fuck you, or your buddy, who you rub dicks with, will think you’re cool) are mostly boring for the casual user. And by “casual user”, I mean someone who doesn’t care what the computer acts like or looks like, and the only things they are concerned about is checking e-mail and keeping in touch with loved ones. For many of us though, the computer (and the Internet) is our gateway to the world. Without computers, we would not have a fraction of the amenities we enjoy today, and as it sits right at this second if all the computers in the world shut down, so would the societies. With that said, it’s obvious that computers and the Internet are more than just toys, they are tools and extensions of ourselves. And since all humans, and all living things are born as sovereigns, and are entitled to inalienable rights (freedom of speech, expression, beliefs, etc), then this should apply to all extensions of ourselves. And since your extensions fall under your inalienable sovereignty, then you should be able to manipulate and control them to your exact wants and needs inside the confines of available technology.

The Monopoly of Microsoft and the Ignorance of the General Consumer: The unfortunate thing is that many people do not realize that this is an issue, let alone an issue of freedom of speech and expression. The general population is so used to using software which is already loaded on a computer that they purchase at their store of choice (i.e. Microsoft Windows), that they believe this is the only choice or at least the main one. The problem with software like Microsoft Windows is that although you have paid for the software and it is yours, you can only do with it as they allow you. You cannot see the source (the “nuts and bolts” of the software) to change, or have changed, anything from a security flaw to certain aesthetic modifications. Think of buying a car, but not being able to raise the hood or look under the car before you buy it, or ever for that matter. You have no idea what is going on, and worse yet, you can’t fix it. Although you own it, the people who sold the vehicle to you built it intentionally so that you cannot see their parts or replace anything. Obviously you wouldn’t buy the car. With that same thought process, why would you buy an operating system that doesn’t allow you to see the nuts and bolts, or change it for the better? Although Microsoft is a monopoly, and they make shoddy software and operating systems, at least most programs written are written for their software, so compatibility is more than a reasonable choice-maker.

Enter Linux: To keep this easy to digest, Linux is an open source and free (as in free speech, and most of the time, as in free beer as well) operating system that you can not only see the “nuts and bolts”, you have the right granted to you to legally modify the software as much as you like and distribute it freely. Also, Linux is a highly stable operating system that is more secure and hardware-friendly out-of-the-box than any other popular operating system on the market. And again, in most cases Linux is free of charge. There are only a few downsides as of right now for Linux, the main one being compatibility with certain programs. With that said, you can easily setup a “dual boot” situation so that you can keep your Windows installation to use Photoshop (currently Photoshop CS2 and before will run in Linux) or play certain games.

With the aforementioned “introduction” and explanation of the application of free speech and expression, we can now get to the real issue:

Enter the Apple (Mac) Fandom: Apple is a company that makes Macintosh computers. They are marketed as the “answer” to Windows, or the guru’s alternative to Windows. Both are not true. Windows is an operating system which is made available to virtually all computer companies to preload in their hardware. Microsoft does not make computers, they only make the operating system Windows. Apple, on the other hand who is highly monopolistic and proprietary, makes the Mac OSX (Mac operating system), the Mac hardware (to an extent), the bundled software, and most of the available software to purchase for the Mac. Also, where Windows is engineered to run out-of-the-box for PCs (and when I say “PC” I mean virtually any personal computer that is available to the consumer), Mac OSX is only available for Mac hardware and is only supported as such. A huge misconception of Apple’s Mac computers is that the software is the best for any kind of studio (audio, video, graphic, etc) application, or for that matter, any other professional application. The truth is for every great piece of production software made for Mac, there is at least an equal made for Windows. Mac OSX is also “closed source” and non-free (as in free speech) just like Windows. They also try to tie in all of their other products into one monopolistic, non-free bundle (like Mac computers, Apple iPhones, Apple iPods, iTunes, and even their own proprietary wireless network routers). Apple has been able to successfully create a cult-like social meme for their products which ignorant consumerists of their fandom snap up at the first opportunity to purchase. Apple’s products are very overpriced and their prices are generally head and shoulders above in comparison with other equal or better hardware or software. And as far as the only big issue that Linux has, which is compatibility, Mac has the same issue. The exception is that Linux can emulate and run many more Windows programs than Mac, and there are more added almost on a daily basis. The one thing that Mac does have over other operating systems and hardware is aesthetics, and only aesthetics. An interesting fact is that much of their iPhone software which runs the phone and certain aspects of the Mac OSX operating system has been “borrowed” from the K desktop environment (Linux) and applied to their proprietary software, then closed the source (which is in violation of the GPL license, the license which grants all Linux users the right to freely edit and distribute the software), which contributes to the software’s visual appeal.

In closing, both Windows and Mac are garbage to the fullest extent. At least Windows does have one thing going for it, compatibility. So if you take your rights as a sovereign seriously, or in more simpler terms, if you take the operation, functionality and security of your computer seriously, give Linux a try. I have been using Linux in one form or another for about a decade, and have never run any anti-virus, anti-spyware, anti-malware, etc. programs on it, because it is just that secure. Also, the server that hosts this site is 100% Linux and free software (even Wordpress which powers this blog is free software – as in free speech and free beer). You can’t lose, it’s free. If you are an Apple fan, you really need to ask yourself why you are.