Q: What does a bag of flour and the mileage of a porn star’s cunt have in common?

A: They’re both measured in pounds

To have extreme distaste for someone to the point you want to throw them off a bridge face first, just because of the color of their skin is wrong in every sense of the word. Unless, of course, that skin color happens to be orange

Q: What does a Spanish garlic farmer say when he’s cut off in traffic?

A: Suck my ajo!

1 – legal abortions everywhere in the world

2 – legal gay marriage everywhere in the world

3 – reduced unemployment due to the vacancies left by those fucking “followers”

4 – a big drop in AIDS cases as the Catholic church does not approve the use of condoms (most AIDS cases in the world are in Africa, and there are over 130 million Roman Catholics in Africa today)

5 – Lowered homelessness due to the immediate availability of prime real estate where all those churches used to be

And don’t forget the runners-up:

6 – legalized porn everywhere (and maybe even on network TV)

7 – liquor sales during church hours

8 – no more suicide bombings

9 – lots of free shit left by all the churches and “followers”

10 – no more guilt

You better have your shit together, because today, the fuckin’ Lord’s comin’. Have fun floating your punk ass up to your fuckin’ lord and personal savior.

Devils and enigmas are only here for the sole purpose of testing you. They are empty husks and shadows riddled across the world which mean you harm, but unbeknownst to them, they are simply the catalysts brought to test you. They’re like the fires that forge the hardest steel. Without those tastes of chaos, you will not know strength or what it truly means to be alive.

That Photoshopped image of President Obama sitting with Martin Luther King is ridiculous. Those two people have absolutely nothing in common. Dr. King was a hero, and accomplished many great things. Obama is a politician, and he doesn’t give a fuck about you.

People actually well up with a false sense of pride because they think “someone of color” got into office and is automatically going to have their best interests in mind and is going to “set everything straight”. And continue the dream of Dr. King, and fight for the little guy. Well, I’ve got news for you, no politician from any party truly gives a fuck about you.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t personally have anything against Obama, but you have to take him at face value. Which means he is a politician, and he is not your fucking messiah. And to assume he is anywhere near the same league as Martin Luther King is insane. Martin Luther King put his life on the line to fight for what he believed was right. He died for what he believed in, but he most definitely accomplished what he set out to do. He believed in peacefully demonstrating, and using non-violence to accomplish what he set out to do, which was fight for the equality of all people.

In contrast, Obama orders troops into a foreign country to kill brown people by the thousands in order to steal their resources, condones racial profiling and unwarranted strip searching at airports, and back peddles on his tax promises so those with little pay a larger percentage than they should while the wealthy get a break.

So yeah, if you have that image displayed on your site or social networking page because you think you’re making a statement, consider thinking about what statement you’re actually making, because it’s definitely not the right one.

Until next time…

When people say “good lookin’ out”. It was used a lot several years ago, so I don’t hear it nearly as much nowadays. But when I do, it makes me want to kill someone with a rubber mallet. You might think it’s petty, and if you do, you’re probably one of the cocksuckers who says “good lookin’ out”. Goddamn it, I hate that shit so much! If you find my ass unconscious in my crib, bleeding from the ears, you’ll know why

When pretentious douche-nozzle Americans try to pronounce a French item in its French pronunciation. Hey dickbag, it’s a croissant, not a fuckin’ “CWEHSOW”! The only exception I will make is if you happen to be a flamboyant gay male. In that case, you can say “CWEHSOW”, but everyone else pronounce it the right fucking way. If you don’t abide by this rule, Nazi gas chamber for you and the horse you rode in on. That is all

Made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a serving spoon,
Used the same convenience store cup at home for days,
And/or cooked breakfast food in a wok

Then maybe it’s time to wash the fucking dishes