So have you ever taken a shit so big your asshole bled a little? Regardless, that is not really our topic of discussion today. Something, or more specifically some people, has been really pissing me off for quite awhile. It’s these fucking pretentious “intellectual” assholes who “have” coffee instead of drink it and who read books that are “good reads” while drinking wine.

These are the same faggoty cocksuckers who hang out with their other faggoty-ass cocksucker friends in book stores that have coffee shops in them. In business, a rule of thumb is to know your niche (or “know your demo”), and these fucking bookstore owners really know their niche by placing coffee shops inside the bookstore. They can capitalize further though. If these bookstore owners would start selling wine, turtleneck sweaters and Apple products in their stores, their faggoty-ass, ball-less patrons wouldn’t have a reason to leave.

These are the same pretentious douche bag motherfuckers who may on occasion read dictionaries, instead of just look shit up in them, so that they can use a lengthy word in a sentence while engaging in “good conversation” with their other douche bag friends.  These motherfuckers also tend to listen to easy-listening-esque neo-hippy bullshit and perhaps smoke cloves instead of cigarettes, they also tend to love their fucking lame-ass reefer. Starbucks is another company who proved they know their niche by opening an “entertainment” division, which is basically a record label that signs and distributes said bullshit music. These people may also fancy a visit at their local “cultural” center, and of course the “culture” section of their paper of choice. They may also aspire to learn French, whether they need to or not.

If I were a violent person, and was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I wouldn’t hesitate to stroll to a Books-A-Million with a chain gun and take as many of these faggoty cocksuckers out as possible. Then I could “have coffee” in peace and maybe read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.

But to save me the trouble, if the following applies to you:

- If you have ever “had” coffee

- If you smoke cloves

- If you read books that are “good reads” while drinking wine at the same time

- If you have ever donned a turtleneck sweater and hung out with your douche bag friends in a coffee shop/bookstore

Or taken part in any of the other shit listed above, curl up in a ball with your fucking coffee and put a 12 gauge barrel in your mouth, then blow your empty, group-oriented thoughts all over the fucking wall. Shit, this place is already overcrowded with humans, and these motherfuckers need to be some of the first to go. The only negative part would be for certain businesses. Books-A-Million, Starbucks and Apple would go out of business within a week.

So yeah, if the above applies to you, why are you still reading this? End it. That is all.